Step 1. Go to vegetable market and buy vegetables. Be prepared to be stared at, and giggled at when you use Chinese.
Step 2. Wash all the vegetables you just bought, to make sure you don't ingest some yucky Chinese dirt.
Step 3. Chop and pre-boil most of the vegetables, as Chinese food is cooked very quickly at a very high heat, and they will not cook through all the way. Cook all of them, adding such things such as salt (a must for Chinese cooking) soy sauce, oyster sauce (though not on the same dish) ginger, garlic, and red pepper flakes.
Step 5. Bring all the prepared dishes to the table, and congratulate yourself on a job well done. In reality, Chinese people would be embarrassed by how the dishes look, but you can feel pride in doing well.
Step 6. Look at the proof. You feed your family, with leftovers for tomorrow, for $3.50
You could add a cup of milk for the kids, that way they get their protein for the meal too.