Sunday, February 24, 2013

Not A Second Choice

"We all know what happens when you assume...."  I'll be nice and spare the repetition of the rest of that statement.

Today, I was approached by a "leader" who said that he was given a message from above for me.  Now, I know that He still speaks to people and that He can use His people to speak to others, but still when someone says that He told them something about me, my skeptical radars go up.  Of course, I'll listen and check it against what I know to be true, but I don't just accept it blindly.  I've seen too much abuse and too many people misled by false messages.

In this case, I nearly laughed when the man told me what the "message" was.  He said that he was told my womb needed to be opened and that he should pray for fruit to come forth.

He was given this "message" a week ago when I was sharing about how thankful I am for my family.  Obviously, he saw my three beautiful children and assumed they were our second choice.  NO!!! We chose to build our family through adoption, and that was our first choice!  YES, I'm offended by this because I don't want others (or my children) thinking we settled for our kids.  Our kids are the best--nothing less.

Just to set the record straight.  There's nothing wrong with my womb, not that it's anyone's business...and why do people assume...there's that nasty word again...assume that it's always the woman that has a problem?  Again, to set the record straight, there's nothing wrong with Josh's swimmers either.  Adoption was something we both expressed as our desire during our first date.

So when this man gave me the message--er, assumption--I pulled out the old acting trick of biting the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing, and dug deep within to gently explain that my womb doesn't need healing and that I don't need it to bring forth fruit.  I explained how a blood line was never something Josh and I considered to be important, and how we chose to use adoption to build our family.  He was gracious in his response, however I think he was taken aback that he "heard" wrong. 

In this case, I didn't turn into a donkey and neither did the man who assumed he knew my story.  I just hope that for one person, I was able to show him the importance of getting to know people before claiming to know their desires and motives.

I'm hoping that in sharing this story, that others will learn that kids should never be considered a second choice, never something to be settled for.  Sure, there are those who have their struggles with infertility who ultimately turn to adoption.  I just pray that before they do so, they truly come to a place where adoption becomes their heart's desire, not a fall-back!

Now...if fruit does come forth from my womb...


Boondock Ma (Kim's Mom) said...

Imagine the looks you'd get wandering around China with 4 children!;) Thank you so much for sharing your inspiring story (I mean your whole blog)with us!

lisa said...

I have been reading your blog for several years. I found this post rather hurtful. Some people (including myself) came to adoption after infertility. This posts suggests that we don't love our kids as much as you do "because it wasn't our first choice".

Regardless of how our family was formed, ours is full of love and appreciation for our little one. I am shocked and hurt by the judgmental tone you took.

Ransom Family 5 said...

Lisa, I'm sorry you were offended. I never meant to suggest a lack of love. I hope you'll read the heart of my writing. If you've been following this blog for years, then you know where our heart is. Please notice how I ended the post here.

"Sure, there are those who have their struggles with infertility who ultimately turn to adoption. I just pray that before they do so, they truly come to a place where adoption becomes their heart's desire, not a fall-back!"

I'm sure you did a lot of soul searching before turning to adoption, and you truly had to be okay with it. Throughout that process, I'm sure you got to the point where you WANTED this. Therefore at that time, adoption did become your first choice.

My biggest prayer for children who are adopted as a result of their parents' infertility is that they will FEEL as though they are less, as though they are a replacement for the children that never came, that they are a fall-back. Children should always feel as though they are the center of their parents' world.

I don't know you, but I'm sure you love your children just as much as I do!