Thursday, May 9, 2013

In Their Eyes

When I look at my children, I see

-3 kids with musical talent.
-2 kids with a desire to always be right.
-3 noses that wrinkle just so.
-3 sets of big, bright eyes.
-3 kids full of compassion for the lost and hurting.
-1 kid with shoulders that move and a gut that vibrates when laughing.
-1 kid who is easily offended.
-1 kid who can play a pretty good tough guy, but has lots of contrasting emotions.
-2 kids who love to sleep and can't get enough of it.
-1 kid who is a night owl
-2 kids with perfectionist tendencies.
-1 kid who beats himself up over the littlest things.
-3 people who just want to be loved.
-3 kids who share 99% of my DNA.

Because of those things, when I look at my children,

I also see 

-2 kids who wake up with the sun.
-1 kid who can completely loose himself in a book.
-3 kids who are comfortable apologizing.
-3 kids who love movies.
-1 kid who would rather eat candy than anything of nutritional value.
-2 history nuts.
-3 kids who enjoy cooking.
-3 kids who love technology.
-2 kids who can see situations from all sides.
-3 kids who know how to laugh at themselves.
-3 kids who will drop everything for their family members.
-1 kid who is gifted with words.
-1 kid who can't stand the heat.
-2 sets of irresistable dimples.
-3 kids who share 99% of their Daddy's DNA

Because of those things, when I look at my children,

With Mother's Day fast approaching, I've seen several blogs/comments by adoptive parents who talk about how hard it is.  They are each written with the intent of sympathizing with other adoptive mothers, as if the "regular" moms just don't understand.  They make themselves out to be martyrs.  They complain about the paperwork, the heartache, the missed milestones, the this, the that.  (Do they forget about the other alternative--lots of doctor appointments, months of trial, morning sickness, sleepless nights, all the lasting physical changes, birth pains, etc?)   Most surprisingly, they talk about how they grieve because they will never be able to look into their (adopted) children's eyes and see a reflection of themselves.  Quite simply, that angers me.  I feel sad for the women who write those blogs.  I also feel sad for their children because one day they will read the words about all the inconveniences their mothers blame on them.

Sure, many of the details of adoption are difficult, emotionally draining, and uncertain.  But, like the woman who has just given birth,  the moment my skin came in contact with each of my children, I looked into their eyes and saw MY children.  Everything else faded away.  

Josh and I could not have created three children
any more like the two of us.  

They are our children, 
and for better or for worse,

when I look into their eyes,

I want each of my children to know that they are not, and never were, an inconvenience to me.  If I hurt, it's because I hurt for the voids in their lives.  They did not take anything from me.  They did not give me any cause for complaint.  
They just made me a plain ol' Mommy, and I'm so thankful!

Tegan, Preston, and Alyia, if you ever read this, know that I love you with all my heart.  Thank you for making me a Mommy!

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